Day 9 - Friday, September 4

I made the mistake of having a tablespoon of espresso yesterday morning at school - 8 am, mind you, and yes, a tablespoon is all that comes out of the coffee machine's espresso function. I didn't fall asleep until after four a.m., and got up at my new usual time of 6:30.

Wonderfully cooler today, and breezy. A few showers. School was over my head again so I'm going to have to work really hard over the weekend to catch up and prepare for a test on Monday. We get out at noon on Fridays instead of 1:00 so I took the extra hour to walk and shoot photos; got a few good ones, although not all the graffiti shots I wanted.

Spent quite a bit of time looking for a paper store where I can purchase a sketchbook but didn't find the store I was thinking of. Or any other, for that matter. I need a book to begin to paste my ephemera into. Then napped, and spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening apartment hunting online, plowing through listings on German sites. It's a time-consuming process, first figuring out all the vocabulary (warmmiete, kaltmiete, nach vereinbarung, befeuerungsart, kurzfristig, etc.) then locating the address on a map because the pictures don't show you that this particular lovely apartment sits above 3 sets of railroad tracks. Waterfront property in Arizona.

Hannah and I had Vietnamese food AGAIN tonight, the third time since I've been here. I like being able to take Maggie to the outdoor cafes. She's being the BEST dog. I didn't get her out for a long walk today, so going to dinner at least helps make up a little.

Hannah went out to an art opening, and I had good Skype chats with brother Bob and daughter Sally, who just got engaged Wednesday night. And THEN I started making flash cards. Hundreds of them. On Friday night, no less. Sheesh! How my life has changed in 30 years.

I like German, though. It feels like a meaty language, with words that almost require chewing. Mein Stift ist auf dem Tisch. French is easier to just swallow. La plume est sur la table. At any rate, I feel as though I'm roiling around in an atmosphere of alphabet soup; occasionally the letters line up right and I can recognize a word. But mostly it's still just soup.

Day 8 - Thursday, September 3

Not much of substance to report today. The third day at school went better, although by the end of the 4 1/2 hours my brain is kaputt. I have a LOT of flash cards to make. Home for the usual nap, although without the tears today; progress. Another hourlong walk with Maggie around the neighborhood.

We have been eating a lot of blueberries, which are the best I have ever tasted. I didn't even like blueberries until I ate them here. These are astonishing! There is flavor!

The hot-water heater in this apartment is something new to me, being a little tank high up on the kitchen wall which heats the water on demand. This is not so bad at the kitchen sink for doing dishes, but the shower in the bathroom is another story. The faucet has to be set at just the right angle and must be turned on with the proper amount of force or the water doesn't heat. My first shower was definitely on the chilly side. I've had a few that rival the Norwegian sauna experience as well - first scalding and then freezing. Not my favorite invention.

Day 7 - Wednesday, September 2

I tested the waters yesterday and today they closed over my head. I struggled in German class to cover the Perfect and Imperfect tenses, Dative and Accusative cases and build vocabulary, which, in a class conducted all in German, is quite a feat. The teacher is a master at it, though - he HAS to be, given how many nationalities he works with. Speaking of nationalities, a lot of our exercises are done among our tablemates - usually 3-4 students per table - which is a fine scheme for interactive learning, most of the time. There's a lovely young Japanese woman at the table I sit at the most, and a young Italian woman one table over, and as interesting as this is in a cultural context, it makes for some difficulties during role-playing exercises, for example, or drilling lists of verbs. Take the verb fliessen. It is conjugated with the verb sein, and progresses like this: fliessen, floss, ist geflossen. Doing drills, we get from the Japanese woman, "friessen, fross, ist gefrossen." From the Italian, we get "fliesseneh, flosseh, isteh geflosseneh." It confuses me to be listening to a foreign language and adding other foreign accents to it.

After being completely overwhelmed all morning I came back to Hannah's in tears. It was hot and humid and I am additionally befuddled by apartment hunting. So I took a nap. Then I took Maggie on the S-Bahn one stop over the river to Treptower Park where we walked for an hour and a half. Hannah and I made salads for dinner and then some friends of hers came over to clean out some books they had been storing here; they stayed to chat and I didn't even start my homework until after 10 p.m.

First Day of School - Tuesday, September 1

My first day at the Goethe Institute, and the teacher for my class reminds me of one of my favorite professors, a sharp-witted, good-humored, loud-voiced prof. I had for French phonetics one summer at the U.W. Big walrus of a guy.

Since the point of it is to teach us as much German as fast as possible, the class is conducted all auf Deutsch, and since I've been here less than a week, am still getting over jet-lag, and don't know much German to begin with it is quite an exercise for my tired brain. Just like Hannah's 4th floor walk-up works out my flabby thighs (since the rooms have 20-foot ceilings, each floor requires TWO flights of stairs...) I am by far the oldest in the class although I've seen a few other middle-aged people wandering around the Institute in a daze similar to mine. One woman creates the most amazing lip-line for herself with bright red lipstick...and tops off the look with a thirties-style hat that looks like a mangled Hershey's kiss hugging her head. How do they make buckram DO that?

Eventually I am hoping to explore the Mitte area extensively after class, but this first day I was so tired I went home and napped. I stayed up too late reading and now have to get up at 6:30 in order to walk Maggie before getting ready for school. It was very hot again today, which is also fatiguing.

I spent a few hours combing apartment listings, then walked Maggie down some new streets over towards the river, past a grim 19th-c. brick church with a weedy yard and a paving project going on in the back - yellow tape and blue tarps did not add to its already minimal appeal.

We trudged back up the stairs to the apartment only to realize we were going to be out of dog food by morning so I ended the day with my first solo trip to the Kaufland supermarket, where I had my first encounter with the bottle (glass and plastic) recycling machine. Since I am a functional illiterate here, I watched what other people did and began feeding our bottles into the cylindrical opening. Nothing happened. I put in another bottle or two. Nothing happened. A young man in a red jumpsuit appeared and patiently pointed to the LED display on the machine, which of course I was unable to decipher. Apparently this one was full; he switched to English and said "stop putting bottles in the machine." I have such empathy for immigrants! It is so frustrating to be at this level with a language, to feel stupid. I didn't even know the word for "dog food" and so had to wander the aisles, just looking. It worked - one can get by day to day without the language - but it was certainly inefficient, and not much fun. I learned a lot about the German grocery store, however, and discovered (although I did not purchase) a kind of bread called "Bio-Dinkel-Sesam-Knabberli."

I am halfway through a novel called "The Orphan Game," the only book I brought with me so I'd have something to read on the plane. When I finish it I'm planning to stretch my brain with some historical texts Hannah has lent me, beginning with a weighty tome entitled "The Rise of Western Christendom." I am hoping for a year of transformation on many levels of my life, certainly the physical and intellectual. This should help!

Day 5 - Monday, August 31

I didn't feel well today - probably jet-lag/fatigue combo. I slept late as I stayed up late, reading and eating trail mix. Forced myself out of the apartment in the afternoon to go to the Goethe Institute for a placement test and a small financial hemorrhage, for an 8-week intensive German class; starts tomorrow. I placed just slightly above the very first level so I hope I'm not in over my head. Walked a bit, ate a crepe at Alexanderplatz station, headed to Hansa Viertel to see another apartment; another no-go. I am feeling overwhelmed by the problem of finding digs.

Then I went to the Galeria, a very nice Frederick & Nelson-style department store, and purchased a black leather bag to carry my "school supplies" and laptop in so that I can check housing ads on my breaks; hoping someone at the G.I. (upper or lower?) can help me a bit deciphering the lingo.

Got on the S-Bahn to come home and went the wrong direction; realized it when I thought it was odd to be traveling to Friedrichshain in the late afternoon with the sun in my eyes. It's in EAST Berlin.

Hannah's friends have finally gone back to Vienna so I got her for dinner again tonight - more Vietnamese. I'm so anxious my stomach is in a clench so I don't eat much during the day. Light pho meal was perfect.

Looked online at apartment ads when we got home. Sally called on her break and talked to Hannah - good for the sisters to catch up.

Hannah took Maggie on a long walk in Treptower Park this afternoon so Maggie is happily exhausated in her crate. Time to read in bed.

Getting up early starting tomorrow to go to German class; Hannah and I laughed while setting the alarm on my new cell phone ("Handy"); we chose "Beach" as the theme.

Day 4 - Sunday, August 30

Cool & sunny morning. Out with Maggie for our first Kaffee and Apfeltasche, sitting outside at a neighborhood bakery, just the two of us. How could I ever eat American grocery store pastries again?? The baked goods here are not like anything in the States, and of course they are fresh every day, not packed in cellophane. They are also not new to me; this is not a revelation. I am simply reminded of one of Europe's marvels.

Maggie is getting bolder as she recovers from jet-lag and acclimates a bit to the noise and activity of city streets; lunging at sparrows under the cafe table! This was my first coffee in four days and it gave me quite a buzz, but tasted so good.

Also took Maggie to the flea market, a Sunday staple here. We went to the one in the neighborhood, at Boxhagenerplatz. More exposure for her to crowds and random dogs. I can't even imagine what goes through her head during these barrages. Does she wish one of these dogs would turn out to be Buster?

Hannah met friends for brunch and I went to look at an apartment - quite a nice flat but in a newly built area with no street life at all. Just apartment buildings. Right on the river and nice for walking but I want the full European city experience, not something that mimics my life in Walla Walla.

Met up with Hannah at the tacky Domane store - an Ikea idea gone terribly wrong; we couldn't get out of there fast enough. We talked about taste and poverty. This store was not much cheaper than Ikea in price but the quality! It should be criminal!  Made us feel slimy just to have walked in.

Bought a roasted chicken on the way home - again, one of those things done so well here by sidewalk vendors and so poorly in most places at home. The Leschi mart had good roasted chickens but I don't live in Leschi any more. American grocery store chickens taste like chemicals. This one, from the Haenschen Hutte, tasted like Heaven. Another reminder: this is one reason I remain a carnivore.

On my walk to look at the apartment I thought about boredom, as I have blamed that state for my wanting to make this move. What IS boredom, exactly? And is it boredom that propels me into these big life changes or just a nervous restlessness? Is it a result of the lifelong search for SOMETHING? Why is nothing big or exciting enough for me for very long? What WOULD be big and exciting enough for me? How would I sustain it? And would it paradoxically be what I need to settle down?

I have started picking up ephemera - such a polite word for trash - for collage, which I don't really do. But it seems approachable here, small, lightweight, portable, unlike my larger paintings or assemblage boxes, which would be difficult for me to make here given that I have none of my "infrastructure" except a pair of scissors with me. And I have to pack it all home again.

Found four pennies yesterday; go, Daddy!

Day 3 - Saturday, August 29

MOSTLY over the jet lag but mid-afternoon was pretty wonky. A little weepy as well but a nap helped. Hannah helped me purchase my annual transit pass and cell phone, then we did a little shoe shopping for her, and walked the dog who is still exhausted. 
I have moments of being so overwhelmed by the language that I wonder what is the point of my being here. The intensive language classes here are expensive but without one I can't hope to achieve any sort of fluency in time to make use of it. Will I enjoy being here with only basic skills? Will this turn out to be a waste because I couldn't understand enough? Will one year satisfy me?

In any event, I could not do this year abroad in France or England, places where I speak the language (or can at least get by) as they are much too expensive. No, Berlin itself is why this entire adventure is possible. It's relatively cheap and, more important, it is where Hannah is. So I must learn as much German as I can. 

The internet has been down almost all day so I can't satisfy myself about the American and international women's federations, language classes, apartments for rent, or email. Another frustration for one accustomed to instant information gratification. Since I don't yet have my own place and routine, these are at least constructive things to do while I bide my time.

Maggie and I went out for a long walk in the evening and got caught in a cloudburst. The pads on her feet used to be pink. They now look like black patent leather. We walked for over an hour, mostly because it took her that long to pee, but also because I got turned around and we got a few bonus blocks. As gritty as Friedrichshain is, the streets are lively - full of cafes and shops, people with babies and dogs, and splattered with the ubiquitous bicycles and graffiti. There are hundreds of bicycles everywhere, ridden on the sidewalks for the most part, frequently approaching from behind without warning, spooking poor Maggie who is so NOT a city dog. Not yet, at any rate.

In Friedrichshain most of the small green spaces are weedy and seedy, untended, litter-strewn with bottles, broken glass, bottle caps, an occasional dirty diaper, dog poop, and bounded by graffiti-marred walls. At night I hear kids on the street popping the tops off their beers, just letting them flip onto the sidewalks. No one ever cleans them up; they just become part of the pavement. Graffiti is everywhere and I find it disturbing. It is visually unappealing - downright ugly, most of it - and speaks to me of underlying discontent. 

Hannah disagrees with me about the graffiti. She thinks it's just part of the rawness of Berlin, a free form of expression, and does not find it threatening. Still, I believe it is a symptom of some unhappiness. Do happy people scribble on other people's property? Or on public property? What happened to pride of place? Is our physical habitat a reflection of our collective mental state? Is it a question of empowerment? How is a more constructive form of power nurtured? And how could Berlin - particularly East Berlin - NOT be in a gritty, transitional state? The wall has  only been down for 20 years; not even a whole generation yet.

What a jumble goes on in my head.

While I was walking Maggie I was thinking about tethers - the leash that keeps her by my side and safe in a foreign place, and the metaphoric leash that attaches me to Hannah who provides the same safety for me right now. Tethers to everything that makes up our personal stories.

Hannah had a pre-party for a few friends after first going with them to a new "American" hamburger place around the corner. Hannah brought me a hamburger and onion rings - es schmecht gut!

Day 2 - Friday, August 28

I experienced Day 2 in Berlin mostly through the overheated and overly heavy eyelids of jet lag. My bags were at last retrieved by Lufthansa and rudely delivered by a belligerent young man who must be unhappy with his job. He was so insulting that I filed a complaint with the airline, something I do not ordinarily do when my feathers are ruffled. I'm usually willing to cut people some slack for having bad days. Not so today. I was high-centered in Hannah's apartment all day, first waiting for Lufthansa to call, then waiting for my bags to be flung at me and it was very hot. Her place is on the third floor with no lift and no air conditioning, which is fairly standard, but does make people unaccustomed to such accommodations a little cranky...

This is the first time I have traveled with a laptop and it changes the feel of being away from home. Nothing seems so far away when I can check email and FaceBook.

I am looking forward to the day when my brain re-engages with the greater world and I begin to think again.